Change of scenery

Thinking about changing the look of my blog.  Here are my final picks:

Anybody?

DOES Sobriety kill a relationship?

Way back when I first realized that I had a problem with alcohol, I had heard and read that many relationships do not survive when a person gets sober.  I can fully understand how this could happen...yet I always said that it would never happen to me.  However; years later, I think it may be.  

Its no secret that The Boyfriend and I have not been getting along.  Its to the point now where its not even that we fight.  That's the red-flag.  We DON'T fight.  I don't feel the need to anymore, I've pretty much given up.  He's not going to change and I do not want to live the rest of my life like I have been for the last few years.  The problem is that I feel guilty and I don't know how to get past that.

We have been together almost 9 years.  We've been through a lot together and he has saved my ass countless times.  He has been there for me when nobody else has and I'll always love him for that.  We are just not compatible anymore.  We don't share the same interests and don't want the same things in life.  His mother lives with us and that definitely has put a strain on the relationship.  It was fractured before and with her living here the last 3 years, its really gone South.  We have no privacy.  We don't go out ANYWHERE as a couple and I think that is the major problem.  The living situation would be almost bearable IF we made time for us.  I've mentioned this hundreds of times.  Nothing changes.  I've resigned to the fact that it never will.

The boyfriend made a comment the other day.  He said that I have changed since becoming sober.  I'm sure I have.  He commented that it seems as if I don't care about the relationship since I've gotten sober.  I don't think that's it.  I think becoming sober made me wake up to things that I do and don't want in life.  I'm no longer willing to be unhappy and just drink to "deal" with it. 

The problem is my financial situation.  I'm working but its only part-time and minimum wage.  Obviously can't make it on that.  I am college educated but in this economy its still very hard to get a decent job.  Hell, it took me quite a while to just get the minimum wage job that I have now. 

What I want is quite simple.  I want my OWN apt.  It doesn't have to be anything fancy.  I just want it in the town where my kids are.  (about 15 miles from where I am now)  My oldest two (almost 23 and 19) are pretty much on their own.  "Bam-Bam" (my 19 y/o) is off to college and only comes home for the Summer.  "Quack" is my youngest and just finished his Freshman year of high school.  I would like to be able to get an apt big enough for he and I.  I'm not real fond of the town they live in.  (Quack lives with my dad and step-mom)  But, I've swore that I would not pull him out of that school district.  Plus, all of his friends are there.  I'm a city person and I want to move back to where I'm from.  I've promised to tough it out, though until he graduates. 

I'm going back to school, also.  This is where it gets sticky and difficult.  How to work, afford an apt big enough for myself and son AND attend college.  It can be done it will just take quite a bit of searching on my part.  (Find affordable housing for us, etc) 

Just not sure what to do about The boyfriend or how to go about it.  I know for the time being, I need to get back into some therapy.  I'm getting increasingly depressed about my current situation and there's nothing that I can do about it right now.  I need to get back into counseling to figure out how to deal with it...without drinking, of course.