Change of scenery

Thinking about changing the look of my blog.  Here are my final picks:

Anybody?

DOES Sobriety kill a relationship?

Way back when I first realized that I had a problem with alcohol, I had heard and read that many relationships do not survive when a person gets sober.  I can fully understand how this could happen...yet I always said that it would never happen to me.  However; years later, I think it may be.  

Its no secret that The Boyfriend and I have not been getting along.  Its to the point now where its not even that we fight.  That's the red-flag.  We DON'T fight.  I don't feel the need to anymore, I've pretty much given up.  He's not going to change and I do not want to live the rest of my life like I have been for the last few years.  The problem is that I feel guilty and I don't know how to get past that.

We have been together almost 9 years.  We've been through a lot together and he has saved my ass countless times.  He has been there for me when nobody else has and I'll always love him for that.  We are just not compatible anymore.  We don't share the same interests and don't want the same things in life.  His mother lives with us and that definitely has put a strain on the relationship.  It was fractured before and with her living here the last 3 years, its really gone South.  We have no privacy.  We don't go out ANYWHERE as a couple and I think that is the major problem.  The living situation would be almost bearable IF we made time for us.  I've mentioned this hundreds of times.  Nothing changes.  I've resigned to the fact that it never will.

The boyfriend made a comment the other day.  He said that I have changed since becoming sober.  I'm sure I have.  He commented that it seems as if I don't care about the relationship since I've gotten sober.  I don't think that's it.  I think becoming sober made me wake up to things that I do and don't want in life.  I'm no longer willing to be unhappy and just drink to "deal" with it. 

The problem is my financial situation.  I'm working but its only part-time and minimum wage.  Obviously can't make it on that.  I am college educated but in this economy its still very hard to get a decent job.  Hell, it took me quite a while to just get the minimum wage job that I have now. 

What I want is quite simple.  I want my OWN apt.  It doesn't have to be anything fancy.  I just want it in the town where my kids are.  (about 15 miles from where I am now)  My oldest two (almost 23 and 19) are pretty much on their own.  "Bam-Bam" (my 19 y/o) is off to college and only comes home for the Summer.  "Quack" is my youngest and just finished his Freshman year of high school.  I would like to be able to get an apt big enough for he and I.  I'm not real fond of the town they live in.  (Quack lives with my dad and step-mom)  But, I've swore that I would not pull him out of that school district.  Plus, all of his friends are there.  I'm a city person and I want to move back to where I'm from.  I've promised to tough it out, though until he graduates. 

I'm going back to school, also.  This is where it gets sticky and difficult.  How to work, afford an apt big enough for myself and son AND attend college.  It can be done it will just take quite a bit of searching on my part.  (Find affordable housing for us, etc) 

Just not sure what to do about The boyfriend or how to go about it.  I know for the time being, I need to get back into some therapy.  I'm getting increasingly depressed about my current situation and there's nothing that I can do about it right now.  I need to get back into counseling to figure out how to deal with it...without drinking, of course.

The Children Are Our Future

Now before anyone gets his/her panties all in a bunch, let me say: I do feel that ADD/ADHD is a legit disorder. However, I also feel that it has been WAY over-diagnosed. I do NOT advocate medicating children for it either. IN MOST CASES. Only in extreme Hyperactivity when nothing else has worked, do I agree with medicating. (i.e. Ritalin, Adderall, etc) Check for food allergies, adjust the child's diet, limit or eliminate sugar/caffeine, white flours, etc. Many times what appears to be ADD/ADHD is in fact a food allergy...or some other type of disorder with the child.

With all the above being said, here I go. *steps up onto Soap Box* While at work today I had a little boy come in, purchase a KING size pkg of Sweet Tarts and a 20oz bottle of Pepsi. He was a very cute and polite little fella and I chatted with him for a bit. Turns out that he is 9 years old and was home alone. (Mom and Dad were at work) No more than 5 minutes later, here comes lil man again. He was buying a 16oz coffee!!! I would not sell it to him. (I was not mean to him but I told him how bad that was for him after he informed me that it was in fact, all for him.) My boss was not pissed at me but did have to give me a verbal warning for refusing a sale. Sorry Jack but I refuse to poison kids for minimum wage! Its the principle! I'm NOT saying ban certain foods/drink. Absolutely not...government already has too much control! My issue is with the Gum Darn PARENTS!!! #1 WHY is this little 9 yr old home alone...AND running around to convenience stores by himself! #2 WHY is he permitted to drink and eat copious amounts of sugar and caffeine? (Btw, he was not fat...quite the opposite-not that it matters in this particular instance) And don't come to me with "Well, you know, kids will be kids." Sure we all pigged out on junk food as kids, not the extent that THIS generation is, though. Its epidemic! PARENTS...PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR FRIGGING KIDS!

An Attempt!

This is my not-so-swift attempt at doing Tiger Nails. 

I got the idea from here at The Nail Nerd.  She does a much better job and some amazing work!  Check out her site if you're into nail art.

Amore di Pasta!

I stumbled upon this great pasta chart & figured I would slap it up here. (click on the picture to make it large enough to read)  


What kind of pasta is on your plate? by Charming Italy
Mangia!

Its been awhile...

I've neglected my blog again.  Been in a funk for a few weeks and just not motivated to do much at all.  I have been thinking about a lot of things and evaluating my situation.  I'm definitely NOT happy the way things are right now.  I just haven't figured out exactly how to change it.  However, the good news is that by starting my job recently, I'm heading in the right direction.  The pay is barely above minimum wage and its only about 30 hours per week-but its something.  Never did I think I would be living in the situation that I am at 42 years of age.  Things happen, the economy sucks and the jobs just aren't there.  It DOES seem to be slowly improving, though.  

I complain about my living situation but it could be MUCH worse.  I want to make that clear.  I occasionally stop and think about how grateful I am for what I DO have.  It has taught me that material things isn't everything.  Emotionally I'm a train wreck.  I'm miserable in my personal relationship...and I use that term VERY loosely.  We do nothing that the average couple does.  The only thing that we do together on a regular basis is going to the grocery store!  (I am NOT exaggerating this in the least bit)  I have voiced my concerns over and over to the point where I'm tired of trying.  Nothing changes and it never will.  He has proven that time and time again.  The communication is even horrible.  It usually ends up back on me somehow and how I'm insensitive, negative, etc.  Well, certain life events and people have made me this way.  I'm not like this with everyone or every situation.  Only with people who refuse to communicate and compromise.  And I can't say this enough, its NEVER a good idea to live with other family members.  Especially a very nosey, nibby, stubborn and ignorant person.  

So what's my plan?  Well, for now to keep working.  I'm enrolling and starting back to school in the Fall and I'm signing up for income based housing.  The apartments are in the town where my youngest lives with my dad.  I'm tired of being without my kids...even though they're almost all but grown.  I refuse to make my son change schools.  He just finished his first year of high school.  Its a small town and he has oodles of friends.  I'm not really a "small town" person but I can tolerate it for a few years.  

Hopefully I will get financial aid for school in the Fall.  God knows I can't afford it otherwise.  There shouldn't be a problem at least getting a Pell Government Grant.  The last time I attended in Columbus, my GPA was decent and I was on the Dean's List a couple of quarters.  I might be able to find some small scholarships that I qualify for.   Speaking of quarters, the state of Ohio has made it mandatory that all universities go to semesters.  I'm not sure how I'll like that.  I get bored easily.


I'm also going to call around and see about getting back into therapy.  I have to talk to somebody...and it sure as hell isn't going to be anyone here!

Monday Movie Challenge

Week 17 - A Movie that disappointed you the most.

This is actually one of my favorite movies.  Well, maybe not what I would consider a "favorite" but probably in my top 50 movies.  Dying Young with Julia Roberts.  Its actually a very lovely story and very much the tear-jerker.  Its the ending that sucks...very disappointing.  With that being said, I would still recommend the movie.  ;)